~It's All Facetious~: 2011

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Gaddafi! You serious?

I  would like to begin this post by thanking Hina Rabani Khar. Must say  that a little post on her got me a lot of hits and thanks to her, the  blog has gained popularity in Pakistan and middle-east. So I guess, that  is the territory I need to explore and not too mention people in that  part of the world are smoking hot. Kill two birds with one stone. I need numbers people. Since our  brothers and sisters in that part of the world have faced such difficult  times lately, I guess they can do with a smile. We all can. So THANKS A  TON MS.KHAR. Hope Hillary did not make you cry much during her last  visit. Heard you went running to the loo to wipe a silent tear during your visit to washington. Just remember that she is not getting any *You know what I mean*  and you certainly were not great help to yourself by showing up with  that 'BIRKIN' in your tow. 

Moving along, there  is a reason they ask you to pay attention during history class or read  the paper so that you are aware of what is happening around the globe  and how certain people went down in history. Gaddafi certainly did not  believe in that. He should have at least googled  Benito Mussolini, Adolf Hitler, Nicolae Ceausescu and Rafael Trujillo  and most recently Saddam Hussain and Hosini Mubarak. I guess some people  just do not want to learn from somebody else's mistakes. What I do not  understand is, what use is all that power when at the end of the day you  have to coup in a drain pipe like a street rat and end up being  sodomized with a knife(I did see a few clips. What? I was doing a bit of  research for this post). When painter Francis Bacon was asked,  who in the world he would most like to  bed, he replied, “I’d like to  fuck the pants off Colonel Qaddafi.” Little too late I guess. 

We  are not discussing his death or his reign as a dictator in this post.  The man was every bit a Sartorial. They say that all dictators are a  bit crazy and that certainly holds true when it came to Gaddafi's  clothes. You could see the effort that was put in due to his keenness to  stand out. He certainly added colour to 'Oh so boring black and grey  summits'. 

Once ranked fifth among 10 worst-dressed leaders according to a  survey conducted by Time magazine,his personal style certainly got him  all the attention. Be it the map of Africa or pictures of dead people  pinned to his military jacket, it certainly reflected his eccentric  character. Apparently Colonel was very particular about the appearance  of his female body guards. They had to have manicured fingers, mascara(I  bet it was water-proof) and silken tresses. Poor women(Read some  horrible stories about how they were treated and forced to join the  military.Disgusting).

The  person who needs to be credited for adding much humour to international  political circuits with Gadaafi's clothes is Rabia Ben Barka. Ben Barka was born into a very rich family in Libya. Her family  owned textile factories in Tripoli

And then things changed in 1969.

Qaddafi, then a captain, and a small group of fellow officers staged a coup d'état in 1969 and managed to oust the monarchy. Gaddafi nationalized almost everything on his way to establishing a socialist-style economy. Anyway. to cut a long story short, many years later the ticket back came through the man who had taken everything away from her and she became the leader's designer. Must say she did a fantastic job. At the end of the day she delivered what was asked of her. Eccentric he wanted, eccentric she delivered.
Enough talking(read writing) because I'm only capable of writing that much. Just being honest.

On a parting note, just wondering who would replace his spot as one of world's worst-dressed leaders. Any takers?

And as always, to WORLD PEACE.

Inspecting female cadets at the military academy

Young Gaddafi in a tailored tunic of a military butcher

Worn during Gaddafi's arrival at an African Heads of State summit in  Maputo, Mozambique, on July 10, 2003, features images of freedom  fighters.

Set to address France's lower house of parliament

With his 'Bodygaurds'

Just after Friday prayers

With Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi with a photograph of Omar  Mukhtar, a Libyan resistance fighter who was hanged by Italian forces in  1931, wearing it pinned to his chest like a medal.

At a march-past of Libya’s armed forces in  1999. For this occasion he wears no fewer than 16 different orders and  decorations

You thought Lady Gaga is crazy?

Adding a bit of colour during Arab-Africa summit

Welcoming French President Nicolas Sarkozy to Tripoli, Libya, on July 25, 2007 

My question is: Who conferred those honours? Apparently, they were sourced in flea markets of Paris

Sports an outlandish chemise printed with pictures of African heroes and Cuban heels, towering over Hosni Mubarak of Egypt

Visit to Versailles in 2007

AT G8 summit

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Zip the lip!

A story like mine should never be told and I'm not even a Geisha...and talking about Geishas, Hatsumomo is a goddess.

Anyway, a few days ago a friend read a quote to me by Gabriel García Márquez and it summed it all up: Everything that goes into my mouth seems to make me fat, everything that comes out of my mouth embarrasses me.

Over a period of time I've realized that I'm not the only victim.

I have a perfect story(ies) to prove that right and let me warn you that some of you might not find it funny.

Last month I had to attend a family wedding. Since work has been a bit crazy(Hence no posts lately), I could only spare a day. So I decided to attend the Sangeet and skip the wedding ceremony. That way you can avoid being reminded of all the embarrassment that you brought upon yourself the night before.  Sangeets are always much more fun. You get to drink, dance and say foolish things and best of all, you get to see people make fools of themselves when they get on the stage to shake a leg (badly) and sing (even worse,) dedicating it to the bride and groom. Since the venue was next to the pool on a terrace, at one time I had to ask my sister-in-law to push me into the pool and make sure that my head did not come out because that was the only way I could have saved myself from the torture of the performance and we could have passed it as an accident because slashing the wrists would have been inappropriate...and I didn't want my brand new kurta stained. But it was a good time to go and smoke a cigarette without my grandmother looking at me and insisting that I dance to every song possible. What makes her think that I would after she refused to foot all/half the airfare. Seriously! What you going to do with all that money? 

One certainly had to down a lot of drinks to get through the night and in my defense the wine goblets were really really tiny, so I had to make many a trips to the bar and I was fetching drinks for other people as well *Someone had audacity to tell me that they were surprised to see me drink so much. Trust me, this came from someone who held a full glass of whiskey and let us not forget it's the same man who thought that it was a good idea to sing at a wedding*. At this time a lady decides to have a conversation with me. This is how it went:

Lady: 'Have never seen you around. Who are you?'

Me: 'I'm the groom's cousin."

Lady: 'Maternal or paternal?'

Me: 'Uh...." 

Lady: 'Oh! Mummy could not make it?'

Me: 'Been a bit busy lately'

*Well... the lady missed out on a very crucial piece of information before she asked me that question : my mother passed away almost two decades ago.*

Well, I was a bit hammered by that time and I wanted to tell her something like, 'She has been pushing daisies for a while or she could not manage a to get on a plane from Heaven' but I did not want to rob her of the opportunity of finding that out herself next morning. Evil me. I kind of felt terrible for her because I've been there. One time I ended up telling a woman at a party that I think that a certain man is bit 'Rustic' *I should not be calling people rustic since I grew up in a village...but I've come a long way baby* Turned out that the man I was referring to was her husband. Oops! I did it (yet) again! I just wanted the earth to split that very moment and swallow me whole. I can't even begin to express my embarrassment quotient.

This is what I refer to as a Bridgit Jones' moment. Just when you think that you've made a few new friends you can trust them and boom they drop the bomb.

So when is it appropriate to shut up at a party? I say NEVER!!!

Cheers to that, and the next party we all go to!

Thursday, September 8, 2011

This is how K sees it- PART II

Black day for New Delhi. I could not go through the newspaper. Tears and blood everywhere. Felt disgusted. Prayers and condolences for all who lost their loved ones.

On a lighter note, at the risk of pulling a 'Sharon Stone' *Fortunately I'm not the face of L'Oreal in China, so no one will be puling down my ad campaign* all I'm saying is, is it Karma or something? Don't judge me. Look at all the evil in this city *Most of it around central Delhi. Maybe God just sent a warning* I happened to be raised in a very 'religious' family. One must always fear God - this was drilled in our pretty little heads since we were babies. You know what they say, fear is the basis of any religion.
You do this, Your are damned. You don't do this, you are damned. Damn!

So, my father has been asking me to go and get a few papers sorted from the court, which has not been sorted but I've just been very busy or maybe a little lazy. Guess I have a reason not to go to the court for a while. I get a call from them yesterday to inquire if I was alright. Some people might not find it funny but this is what I told him: " I know why you wanted me to go to the court. You saw it coming didn't you?" To my surprise he didn't find it hilarious. I guess his sense of humour is on vacation. My mother certainly did get the joke.

Anyway, I went out for a few drinks in the evening. There it was, yet another sign from God. For a second there, I though they'll find me under all the rubble with a drink in my hand. Not a nice way to go. My hair would have been just all out of place. I refuse to die without my hair being in place. Period.

Hope this post puts a smile on people's faces.

..•.¸¸•´¯`•.¸¸.ஐ TO WORLD PEACE ..•.¸¸•´¯`•.¸¸.ஐ

Sheila Dixit and Rahul Gandhi visit kin of blast victim and promises action.
For a while they thought it was a firework show to welcome Sonia Gandhi back home.

43% Americans believe US foreign policy led to 9/11
Seriously? They had to conduct a survey to find that out.
I want to know what do other 57% believe. Question. How did he get a second term?

Maya sent jet to get sandals from Mumbai and has a food taster
She is my hero.Considering joining politics. Is there a school I can go to? I want a private jet fetching me a pair of shoes and I shall refuse to believe in the concept of 'courier services' and let someone else foot the bill. Just perfect. Food taster? Tres tres chic. Is she looking for a stylist because I think those kurtas need a few darts and the hairdo and the colour must go. I say go platinum.

Delhi legislators get big salary hike
I say that instead of doubling it, make it ten times. They all deserve it. Look at the wonderful things they have done for this city. Its beautifully landscaped with weeds growing all over. They got us a world class stadium which is being used as a warehouse and who can miss the tasteful streetscaping that includes the lovely mosaics on the Safdarjung flyover. Moreover, not even once any of us faced water logging this monsoon. I see rocket scientists working every morning on the Defence Colony flyover to prevent water logging.

Miffed Mamta didi ignores PMs calls
Mr.PM, Maybe she's just not that into you.

G Janardan Reddy aka Greedy's Asset Inventory
Phew!!!!! This is so not fair. All I covet is a Cartier Love bracelet. Did any of you read about his assets? OMG! There was so much to read that I almost fell asleep. I want that gold chair, gold dinner set, those rubies and sapphires and a helicopter called 'Rukmini'. I need friends in politics or even better, a career in politics. We need well turned up politicians. Look at Hina Rabbani Khar. You look like that and half the battle is done. Why wouldn't people listen to someone like. Pretend to be the damsel in distress, just like her country, and Big Daddy will have a hand to lend. Literally. Hahaha.

Omar Abdullah tweets
If the Tihar inmates form a party, what will the symbol be?
I say go for a Thousand rupee bill or a gold throne. Kanimozhi may suggest that that they use 'Muruku', since her days of caviar are over and Mummy is only allowed to get her that as presents.

Amar Singh: Plea of renal problem fails to impress court
Hmmmmmmm.... He has never watched OZ. Has he?
His renal might have to go through a few other problems in jail cell with some inmates. But I must say, hats off to Mr. Bachan. Perfect time to disassociate himself from Mr.Singh.

Picture courtesey: Google, freakingnews.com

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Brand new month, brand new magazine!!!

SEPTEMBER!

In the Northern hemisphere, the beginning of  the meteorological autumn is 1 September. In the Southern hemisphere,  the beginning of the meteorological spring is 1 September. We don't care  much about southern spring because that is rather irrelevant to this  post.

September also brings joy and misery together for fashionistas *Have  always hated that term. If any of you have any recommendations for a  synonym, please feel free to lemme know. But remember that I have the  last word on this blog. Maybe don't even try. Just kidding*, unless grand dad left you a trust fund or daddy take cares of your credit card bills.

Joy?  Let me explain. September issues are without doubt the most important  published piece of the year. It marks the advent of autumn trends and  preps people like us for what to look forward to in the coming  season. *When I say people, I mean someone who bothers to care a little,  just a little, about what hangs in their wardrobe. Not preaching or will  ever preach anyone to be obsessive (Know many a people like that) about  clothes; not that its a bad thing. Sometimes so wish I was like that.  Sigh. I guess dear Lord hath other plans.* Trust me, it would be  blasphemous to wear nautical stripes when everyone would be tarting up  in animal prints. In other words, September issue is like Moses, leading the exodus of the hungry fashion conscious out of summer and across the  Red sea of 'Last season's trends'. *Would this analogy get me into trouble?* Another  good thing about September is that since its the fattest issue of the  entire year *Thanks to 200 plus pages of adverts*, flipping through it is  the best form of exercise your arms could ever ask for. Must say that  fashion works in mysterious ways.

Lets get on with the  misery and I'm going to make it very concise. So many things to buy and  no means to buy. Sometimes I wonder if these magazines are not meant for  people with limited means because you can't have all that you covet.  It's more like a tease. Have you ever flipped through 'Get the same look  for less?' In this case, less is certainly more. Literally. Most of us  still cannot afford this watered down 'look'. But religiously, every month we go and  get a copy of our favourite magazine or more. This is what I call  masochism at its best. Exactly the same reason I don't step into shops  with snooty sales boys and girls. What's the need? Tom Ford's window  display beckons every time I pass by but I have not mustered courage to  step in. Sigh!!!! I shall some day, Tom. I shall and I will get a suit  from you. And I digress yet again. Hence not so concise anymore. Getting  back to business of fashion, I wonder how many women look at these  magazines and feel good about themselves. Send me a comment if you do. I  don't. I look at men's magazines and at the end of it, I'm this close  to slashing my wrists. God has been kind to us but he is just unfair.  But c'est la vie. 

But one has got to do what they got to do. Can't do with the magazines and can't do without them. Certainly cannot.

Below  are some September issue covers from across the world *after a very strict elimination process*. Some of them are not so impressive but I still put them because I  like the covers models. Enjoy.

To many more issues and heartaches!!!