Zip the lip!

A story like mine should never be told and I'm not even a Geisha...and talking about Geishas, Hatsumomo is a goddess.

Anyway, a few days ago a friend read a quote to me by Gabriel García Márquez and it summed it all up: Everything that goes into my mouth seems to make me fat, everything that comes out of my mouth embarrasses me.

Over a period of time I've realized that I'm not the only victim. 

I have a perfect story(ies) to prove that right and let me warn you that some of you might not find it funny.

Last month I had to attend a family wedding. Since work has been a bit crazy(Hence no posts lately), I could only spare a day. So I decided to attend the Sangeet and skip the wedding ceremony. That way you can avoid being reminded of all the embarrassment that you brought upon yourself the night before.  Sangeets are always much more fun. You get to drink, dance and say foolish things and best of all, you get to see people make fools of themselves when they get on the stage to shake a leg (badly) and sing (even worse,) dedicating it to the bride and groom. Since the venue was next to the pool on a terrace, at one time I had to ask my sister-in-law to push me into the pool and make sure that my head did not come out because that was the only way I could have saved myself from the torture of the performance and we could have passed it as an accident because slashing the wrists would have been inappropriate...and I didn't want my brand new kurta stained. But it was a good time to go and smoke a cigarette without my grandmother looking at me and insisting that I dance to every song possible. What makes her think that I would after she refused to foot all/half the airfare. Seriously! What you going to do with all that money?

One certainly had to down a lot of drinks to get through the night and in my defense the wine goblets were really really tiny, so I had to make many a trips to the bar and I was fetching drinks for other people as well *Someone had audacity to tell me that they were surprised to see me drink so much. Trust me, this came from someone who held a full glass of whiskey and let us not forget it's the same man who thought that it was a good idea to sing at a wedding*. At this time a lady decides to have a conversation with me. This is how it went:

Lady: 'Have never seen you around. Who are you?'

Me: 'I'm the groom's cousin."

Lady: 'Maternal or paternal?'
Me: 'Uh...."

Lady: 'Oh! Mummy could not make it?'

Me: 'Been a bit busy lately'

*Well... the lady missed out on a very crucial piece of information before she asked me that question : my mother passed away almost two decades ago.*

Well, I was a bit hammered by that time and I wanted to tell her something like, 'She has been pushing daisies for a while or she could not manage a to get on a plane from Heaven' but I did not want to rob her of the opportunity of finding that out herself next morning. Evil me. I kind of felt terrible for her because I've been there. One time I ended up telling a woman at a party that I think that a certain man is bit 'Rustic' *I should not be calling people rustic since I grew up in a village...but I've come a long way baby* Turned out that the man I was referring to was her husband. Oops! I did it (yet) again! I just wanted the earth to split that very moment and swallow me whole. I can't even begin to express my embarrassment quotient.


This is what I refer to as a Bridgit Jones' moment. Just when you think that you've made a few new friends you can trust them and boom they drop the bomb.

So when is it appropriate to shut up at a party? I say NEVER!!!

Cheers to that, and the next party we all go to!